Thursday, 7 June 2012

The Field

Ice-cold drops of water sprinkled down. Seeing them, it was almost as if they were falling in slow motion. They were in a state between true snow, and true rain, caught in between two worlds, not knowing what they were. The drops made contact with blades of grass, flowed down them, and rolled across the ground like beads of crystal. In the center of flow, there was a tree, its leaves spread out creating an umbrella for the figure under it.

I brought my head up. It was hard to see through the rain, and the leaves that hung in front of me, but the field was generally flat so I could see farther than I thought. There was a single person standing in the distance. I couldn't tell who he was. He was in dark clothes. Or perhaps the clothes were just wet. It doesn't matter. He looked like a messenger from the devil. He came closer. I could see the droplets of water and a few snow flakes on his trench coat. The sparkles on him made it seem like God was trying to attack him, like white blood cells attack a foreign body. My heart was beating harder as I felt a lump in my throat.

There was an explosion. Fire was everywhere. It was hot. Beads of sweat were floating in the thick smoke, and I could hardly see anything. I blinked rapidly so that I could manage some sight for the time being. People were running every where. There was the sound of machine gun fire getting closer. Then there was another explosion. It knocked me onto my side, and I landed on the street. Looking in front of me, I vaguely made out a figure, in black, walking towards me with specks of white ashes on his dark jacket. I could not see his face.

The rain seemed magical. It was dropping in slow motion still, half frozen. The man walked forward, looking at the woman under the tree. "She's probably just another homeless girl," he muttered to himself. "I wonder if she even speaks... A timid creature she is." He walked closer, bending down under the umbrella of the tree, his eyes fixed upon her, one hand on the weapon in his belt.

He was awfully close to me now. I noticed his hand on something metal behind him. I didn't know what it was at the time, but I was suddenly very awake. Thoughts and emotions flew into me as if I was shot by an arrow. I thought he was simply another one of those brainless boys that tried to take advantage of any girl who he found alone. He was also a black figure, wearing a dark jacket with white specks on it. I knew it was snow, but I felt hatred. He was there thirty years ago. Did he remember? I did not care. I blamed him for what happened that day. Between those two explosions, I had lost my family, my school, my life. This tree was the only sanctuary I had left. He was not going to take it away from me.

The man came closer, and then he was right next to the woman. They were looking at each other with an intensity unknown in the mortal world. His expression became suddenly kind. "Do you remember me, my dear?" he whispered.

"What kind of man are you?" I screamed. "You take away my family! You took away everything from me!! You have no morals, men like you. You're just a freak of war. One of those people who kill for fun. What do you want with me? I don't deal with people who lack a soul, or those who are so corrupt that saving them is beyond God himself." I was angry, sad, scared, and out of breath all at once. My heart was beating very hard and fast now. I was ready to kill the man where he knelt.

"Excuse me? I did none of those things ma'am. I don't think you remember the events of that day correctly. Perhaps you passed out because of shock. I saw the explosion, and then ran towards it to help people. When the second explosion happened, I saw you on the ground, barely alive. I ran to you, picked you up and hid. The soldiers came through the town after. They killed everyone who was left. As if they were playing some game, they relentlessly murdered maybe fifty or sixty people all at once! I saved your life!"

I looked at him, taken aback. I had thought this man was the mastermind behind my pain for thirty years, and here he is not the man I have been looking for. I felt that lump in my throat again. I could not tell if it was tears or rain that were flowing down my face, but whatever it was, I felt depressed, mournful, and sorrowful. The man came closer and embraced me. Typical. But it was nice. I felt very tired now. I thought I had finally found the man I needed to kill, but instead he was the man who let me live. But for what? I live in pain. Should I thank him or should I not? What should I say?

The man looked at the woman. He had a look of pity on his face. She was not the type of woman who he thought she was. She was strong, and lively. She had gone through a lot of pain and survived it all. "I would have never survived through even three years let alone thirty if I had lost what you have lost." he said in a voice that was low and steady.

Both judged each other simply based on the gender and appearance of the opposite, without knowledge of the actual person. Both were wrong. Outside forces can often skew our thinking, and make us form assumptions about ourselves in our minds. We must remember that the only constant in our world is within ourselves. Gender does not exist in the soul. It only exists in the physical world. If we base ourselves within, then we can avoid such pains, and such sorrows in the millennia to come. 

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